How To Ask A Girl Out: The Beginners Guide

As summer’s end grows nearer and nearer, many people are doing their best to get the most out of whatever time is left. For some, this may mean hitting the beach for a last chance at acquiring the perfect suntan. For others, this could mean that now is the time to put themselves out there with renewed vigor and dedication. 

Indeed, here at Venus ET Fleur®, we love love, but we also love helping you to go about getting to find The One the right way. So, before you rush in with any passionate declarations of love, let us be your guide on how to ask a girl out in ways that will make it a positive, nonthreatening, and fun experience for both you and your potential date. 

Make It Clear It’s A Date 

This may seem obvious, but in today’s age of dating apps, casual hookups, and cross-gender friendships flourishing more than ever, it can become easy to get wires crossed as to whether you two are going on a date or just hanging out as friends. 

Be clear about your expectations going in, as it can greatly help to alleviate some potential confusion, stress, and pressure for both you and your date-to-be. 

How to Know for Sure 

Beyond verbally making it obvious to both of you that you are interested in her romantically and want to take her on a date as a prospective partner, here are some key factors in knowing with certainty that you are on a date and not just hanging out:

  • You have made a plan: Listen to what your potential date wants and get to know her so that you can plan a date that she is likely to enjoy. It can often be as nerve-wracking to ask someone out as it is to be asked, so it will really help to put the girl at ease if your date activity is something she already likes or is interested in. 

    You want to enjoy yourself too, of course, so try planning something that sparks intrigue in both of you. Having a successful date begins and ends with preparation, after all.

  • It is just the two of you: This is another one that may seem obvious, but it is a crucial part of asking a girl out. You don’t want your first date to be a double-date where she ends up more interested in the other person’s date than you, à la When Harry Met Sally. Start simple with just the two of you, and you can take the time to fully get to know one another better and feel each other out. 
  • Effort and focus: Dating at its worst can be tiring and repetitive for everyone involved. Ensure that this will be a good experience for both of you by listening attentively, making a genuine effort to get to know her, and being in the moment. This means no cell phones at the table. They will only be a distraction!

Know When to Ask 

While it may seem tempting to some to just come in hot when you see a person you find attractive, maybe dial it back a notch so you can properly gauge the situation. You want to give yourself the best chance of success that you possibly can while simultaneously making the girl feel comfortable and unpressured in the asking-out scenario. 

As with most things in life, timing plays an essential role in determining whether or not you will be successful in your efforts. Good timing relies upon strong intuition and senses of awareness, making you better able to read a room and know when it is the right moment to make your move. 

How well the two of you know each other will affect your timing, so be sure to account for this variable to be able to decide on the best course of action as you go to ask a girl out.

How Well Do You Know Each Other? 

If you are basically strangers to one another, you will want to take extra care to ask a girl out in a way that is as unobtrusive as possible. This means not interrupting a woman in the gym when she is clearly in the middle of an intense workout and refraining from following a woman for a few blocks just because you find her pretty. 

While that may seem logical to you at the time because she has piqued your interest and so you would like to get to know her better, she will read it as a strange man following her, which, unsurprisingly, will put you on the fast track to rejection. Instead, if you don’t know each other, just keep it casual, find common ground if you can, read their body language and non-verbal cues to gauge initial interest, and just let it unfold naturally. Low stakes here will be key. 

If you know each other well—perhaps you have been friends for a long time and are very close but would like to take your relationship to the next level—start by being fairly certain that she feels the same. Getting rejected hurts enough as it is, but it can cut even worse when coming from a friend whom you already care about and trust deeply. 

If you are prone to big romantic gestures, this may be the time to reenact the boombox scene from Say Anything or break out the giant Eternity™ Gardenia that is nearly as large as your undying affection for your prospective partner. Just make sure that the girl you are asking out actually likes and appreciates those sorts of gestures first, or else you are running the risk of making your friend wildly uncomfortable.

How to Ask 

Now that you are better able to clarify what a date actually is and when to ask a girl out on one, you are ready to talk about the “how.” What is the course of action for asking a girl out? What is the game plan? 

Every situation is different because each person is unique, but we have some general tips that, at the very least, will help you to know where to start in successfully asking a girl out.

Initiate Engaging Conversation

Yes, this means leaving the small-talk behind because, believe it or not, people generally do not like it. Try taking a moment now to reflect and ruminate on if you genuinely enjoy hearing people asking you bland questions about what you do and where you are from. We are sure you are also sick of being the one to ask these things, too. 

Small talk has become so commonplace in our lives that it is something we all tend to fall back on to start conversations, even though it is not usually fun or invigorating for either party. Instead, you are more likely to successfully ask a girl out if you can initiate an engaging conversation that both reflects who you are and also shows you are genuinely interested in getting to know who she is, too. 

Examples of such initiations include asking her for advice, posing a thought-provoking question, or bonding over a common interest (such as a pastry you have both ordered at a coffee shop or a book you notice that she is reading which you have already read). These are all ways to get to know each other as people immediately while also getting the both of you to let your guards down to just enjoy a fun and low-stakes conversation. 

Be Prepared

We touched upon this earlier but are mentioning it again because it simply cannot be stated enough: preparation is key to asking a girl out and her saying yes. Know yourself as well as some of the goings-on in your local community. Once you find out a little more about your potential date, knowing these things will make it that much easier to find a connection between you two and a place or occasion to bring it all together. 

For example, if you are both in a store and intently browning through the same floral-scented candles for a while, you can bring up the local botanical garden and how these do not quite match up to the natural scents and beauty there. That may be just enough to pique her interest, giving you a way in to ask her out to check out the local gardens with you. 

Therefore, you will find that taking the time and effort to prepare can pay off in rewarding and surprisingly quick and painless ways. 

Ask With Purpose and Consideration 

If the timing and interest level seem to be right, all that there is really left for you to do is just ask the girl out. Make sure to be specific about the date and your expectations and plans, as any vagueness or confusion leaves room for anxiety and doubts. 

You should also try to be as considerate of her and her safety and comfort as possible by asking to meet somewhere public and relatively low-pressure for a first date. This could mean anything from going to a popular local coffee shop to grabbing a casual lunch, as both help you to feel each other out while keeping stakes fairly low. 

Accept Their Answer 

If you have followed our guide and it is still a no, then you will have to accept it and move on, as much as it is a bitter pill to swallow. Rejection can be painful, but it is also an opportunity for growth, and the fact that you were brave enough to put your heart on the line and conscientiously ask someone out is already a testament to you. 

You are worth a lot and will make someone very happy someday. After all, not every girl will be “The One,” but you will not get to know any of them if you do not even try in the first place.



​​What is a date: flirting, friend zoned or just fooling around? | Elite Singles

Timing is Everything - Summit Life Today | Summit Leadership 

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